Taking chances
Around this time five years ago, I made a decision that had been at the back of my mind for years. I tinkered with writing here and there, but never saw it through (in 2014, when I lived in Brighton, I signed up for an evening creative writing course; again, in early 2019, I signed up for an online Write Like a Grrl course). I didn’t believe in myself then, but I also know now that it wasn’t only the courses. I was a non-fiction girlie trying to fit into a fiction world. So, doing what I do best, I ignored it and focused on what “made sense”- progressing in my professional career as a researcher and “specialist” in my chosen area in international development. Truth be told, I was miserable.
During those years, I was also falling for long-form essays, and on this blog, I realised I wanted to write them about African literature. I had things like my series #100AfricanWomenWriters, researching women writers of African origin across eras, regions, languages, and forms. I made it to twenty (I still have the list of writers on my laptop, and it got to over 100). Trying to be more than good enough at work, settling into yet another new place (among other things I was trying to do), all while blogging and trying to research and practice writing long-form essays, was taking its toll. The online literary world was also leaning towards shorter-form, video content. I didn’t have the headspace to figure it all out. I put blogging and essays aside and focused on work.
The more I stepped away from literature or any form of creativity, the more distant and miserable I felt. One weekend around this time in 2021, I started doing another thing I do best ... researching. I looked into creative writing programmes, trying to find somewhere that helped me develop my interests in essays. I used to think creative writing programmes were all fiction- or poetry-based. Having learned from my two earlier attempts, I knew I wasn’t geared towards a pure fiction programme. Then I found out there were non-fiction ones. I started learning about creative non-fiction, which until then I didn’t really know about. I realised it was what I was struggling to find all those years. I also knew I didn’t want to choose one or the other. I wanted to understand the core fiction techniques (voice, point of view, time, dialogue, characters, catalysts, tenses), and then disrupt them and apply them to non-fiction in my own way. [Insert joke about Black women always studying]. I went back to school. I learned about writing. I read different styles and forms and genres. I met other writers and artists. And I found my (writing) community.
The journey hasn’t been easy. I’ve put myself out there, and I still am. I’ve been ghosted (this industry do love a ghosting) and rejected. I’ve also been longlisted and shortlisted. Whether I get good or bad news, I keep going, because if I never try, I’ll never know. Anyways, all this long grammar brings me to this year. I continue to push myself to get better, submitting to publications and writing development programmes. Each time I got close, but not close enough. Like being told you’re good, but not good enough. I tried again. Over the summer, with huge support and encouragement from my community (thanks you wonderful souls!), I applied for an Arts Council England Developing Your Creative Practice (DYCP) Grant. I expected a similar outcome. I went in telling myself, if you don’t apply, you’ll never know, and at least you’ll get the experience of applying.
Well, earlier this week I found out I was awarded it. It’s another confidence boost for me and my writing journey. My work-in-progress is about reclaiming Hausa (my father’s language). I’m also exploring connections between my Nigerian and Kittitian heritage by looking at global patterns of language suppression (caused by slavery, colonialism, and migration) and Indigenous language revitalisation movements. Over the next 12 months, I’ll use the grant to expand my creative non-fiction practice by bringing poetry, oral traditions and hybrid forms into my writing. It will fund mentorship, training in poetic techniques, travel, archival research, and writing time to deepen the historical and poetic layers beneath my personal story.
I’m still processing the news. I’ve gone on the grant platform a few times this week to make sure it’s real. I’m also excited for the next year, for what my creative writing practice will look like at the end of it, and even what the chapters I am writing will evolve into. I might share my journey of what I find in the archives and libraries about language loss or what I’m (re)learning about Black languages, and the joys and pains of adult learning. For now, I’m going back to check the Art Council’s platform to make sure it’s still there.
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